"Ever wonder why he hired us?" asked Collette Murphy
as they entered the corrugated quonset of Catholic
Industries, Inc. Whining saws filled the air with
thick, choking sawdust.

Mary Callahan shrugged. "We're teenage Catholics?"

"Juanita and Gretchen are Catholic. They applied. They
didn't get picked..."

Collette reached the door marked "Quality Control &
Certification," grabbing the large handle with both
hands and pulling with all her might.

Inside, silence filled a room padded in thick black
carpet. Father Underwood inspected the computer
screen, then the digital camera on its tripod.
Scowling, he adjusted a floodlight facing the low
stage.

"Good morning, girls!" said Sister Agnes cheerfully.
"How are you this fine day?"

Mary made a slight curtsey, replying, "Wonderful,
Sister."

"Depends on the orders," said Collette ruefully.

"Well, most don't require certification," said Sister
Agnes gaily. "Just 'hold and pose' mostly. A dozen
need single-stroke certs. But two - unfortunately - do
require full bench tests."

Collette groaned.

Mary cast down her eyes. The phrase "full bench test"
always made Mary sad.

The first order was for a 30" mahogany gooseneck for a
parochial school in Indiana, requiring single-stroke
certification for fundraising purposes.

Mary volunteered.

"The auto-shutter acts up sometimes," Father Underwood
declared, sweating inside his tight white collar.
"Sensors hear the pop, but the strobe fires late."

Mary didn't quite understand, but stepped to the small
stage, taking her position at the table anyway,
looking directly into the second digital camera
focused on the tip of her nose.

Sister Agnes gently pulled up her skirt. Even though
it was just a summer factory job, the uplifting of her
skirt always made Mary shiver with guilt. 

"Ready!" said Father Underwood.

WHAP!

"Bless you, my child," said Sister Agnes, just as she
always did.

"Thank you, Sister!" gasped Mary, teeth clenched.

But the strobe fired late, losing the shocked
expression on Mary's face. Collette should have
volunteered, but Mary graciously accepted the
retakeforcing a smile.

WHAP! "Bless you, my child."

This time, the strobe captured that perfect
combination of shock and pain on Mary's face. The rear
photo was equally priceless, with Mary's plump cheeks
depressed under the wood - wrapping around the edges. 

Father Underwood tapped keys, sending photos and cert
sheet to the printer.

Collette stepped to the table for her first single
stroker.

"Hope that damn strobe works," she muttered.

WHAP! It did.

For much of the day, Mary and Collette did 'pose and
holds,' photo-ops to break up their single strokers.
But near five o'clock, Sister Agnes pulled down Mary's
panties for three-dozen strokes - a full bench test,
strobes firing like fireworks, for a big, fat Knights
of Columbus fundraiser.

Then Collette stepped up for hers.

At five o'clock closing, two tear-stained girls walked
stiffly away with Sister Agnes in between. 

To her beloved Sister at the factory gate, Mary
wondered wide-eyed why Father Underwood had hired
them.

"Oh, for your exquisitely expressive faces," smiled
Sister Agnes. "And pudgy bottoms, of course."