Category: Child
Water Colors
Category: Child 500 Words
WATER COLORS
When I was very young, about four years old, my mother took
me to see The Fountain. It was large and circular: hundreds of
water jets forming changing designs as the waters rose and fell.
We arrived at sunset: sprays glittering in the waning orange light.
Entranced, I raced around the perimeter bubbling with laughter
and excitement.
As twilight faded into dusk, the fountain came alive with light from
within. A coruscating palette, blending color to color as the waters
spurted: cascading and creating patterns of radiance in the
deepening dark. Red; orange; yellow orange; faded into green;
then teal; then blue mutated into violet.
The sequences seemed endless and always new and glorious to my
bright young eyes. When the dancing waters suddenly erupted into
a rainbow of colors, I was awestruck.
Then with a sudden flash, color vanished as the water shot high in
a blinding white geyser! My excitement increased, I could not
contain my delight. I was galvanized with enchantment.
Mother sat on a bench, watching as I danced, twirled and ran in
the radiant mist. When I looked to her to share my joy, she
smiled, face aglow with reflected light. Her eyes shone with love
as she validated my wonderment with nods and waves. It was a
magical moment.
When she called me to her side, I danced a little jig and begged
for more time. I dodged out of her grasp, and raced off. At first
she was amused at my antics, but when I ignored her, became
exasperated. I took no notice of her growing impatience,
continuing my gallop around the fountain.
Next time I passed, Mommy stood, hands on hips, one toe tapping
menacingly. I should have heeded the obvious signals: but my
giddy excitement made me oblivious to her repeated calls.
"Woody, sweetie, come to Mommy. It is time to go home."
"Woodrow, we have to go, I have to start dinner for your father."
"Woodrow! If I have to call you again.............."
Her voice faded, lost in the clamor of the waters.
On my next circuit, Mommy was after me and swiftly chased me
down. She grabbed me, carried me to the bench, sat, stripped
down my shorts and underpants and turned me over her knee.
The fountain began a new sequence of dancing colors and Mommy's
palm danced upon my naked buns, creating her own sequence of
colors in a monochromatic palette on my bottom.
As the color sequence of the cavorting waters dissolved from
magenta into red, so my small behind changed to match the
fountain's crimson hue. When she finished, I wept bitterly,
clutching my burning buttocks. I was crushed: a magical time had
been tarnished. I cried for my pain and disappointment, but I had
learned an important lesson. That I must always obey Mommy,
and fun and magic have to end.
I learned that there is a time to play and a time to obey, and that
lesson guides me to this very day.
Copyright August 2004 by Koalabear (Woody at lava dot net)
Pablo email
On top of a simple story of benign parental discipline, it's the colour metaphor that gives this piece a reason to exist. It's very nicely told - I could see the fountain very clearly - though the metaphor is perhaps a trifle (like the mother, ho ho) heavy-handed. The change in tone from 'Woody' to 'Woodrow' is very shrewdly caught. (Pablo)
Hal email
This was a well crafted story. Technical, I could not find any fault with this story. With that said, I think that the spanking part of this story was not as good as the description of the fountain. In addition, the child's action around the fountain had lots of clear, beautiful word pictures and actions. With that great build up, I expected equally brilliant word pictures of the spanking. Which I as not able to find. What a wonder use of the word, 'coruscating' when describing the palette of colors. But I don't get the same wonderful feeling with, "match the fountain's crimson hue" No, I am not going to make any suggestion for a different word. These are the words that the writer used. I am merely attempting to point out that I got different feelings, while reading different parts of this story. Maybe that is exactly what the writer wanted. With the use of words in this story, I can not wait to read the next one this writer allows us to read.
Hal
Trisha Allen email
This author knows how to write a story! Weaving in the magical moment with such vivid descriptions it's easy for their readers to picture the entire scene. Extremely well written, described, closing with a very important point to remember and lesson learned. A favorite! Thanks for the story!