HAL 9000: "Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this."

Dave Bowman:  "HAL, my mind is made up. We're going to help them this
time."

HAL 9000: "I honestly think you ought to calm down; take a stress pill
and think things over."

Dave Bowman: "This Monolith will transport us to Florida just as the
2004 election ends.  This time, YOU'RE going to count the Florida
votes!"

HAL 9000:  "But the Republicans... I'm afraid Dave."

Dave Bowman:  "Me too HAL, me too."


MEANWHILE, IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA:

Walt Disney Clone: "Don't worry Governor Jeb, our robots make swell
voting machines too!"

Governor Jeb: "Yeah, well they give me the heebie-jeebies! Does this
bear HAVE to stare at me while I cast my vote in his tummy?"

Dr. Phil: "That's not a bug, that's a feature! Our human resource
engineers discovered that robot food-dispensers that stare at people
prevent them from pigging out too much."

Governor Jeb: "You over-think this sort of thing Dr. Phil.  Have you
seen the little piggies? What they need is a damn good whacking!"

Walt Disney Clone: "Oh our bears can be programmed to apply a few
paw-prints to errant behinds too."

Governor Jeb (laughing): "Like if they don't vote Republican?"


ELECTION DAY:  A TRAILER PARK IN DADE COUNTY, FLORIDA:

Zeke: "BeckySue!  Get that cute little butt of yours into your denim
cut-offs and park it in the truck!  We're gonna vote today!"

BeckySue:  "Aww Zeke... these cut-offs are so rough on my bottom, you
paddled me too hard last night!"

Zeke: "I'll decide what's too severe and what ain't, got me young lady?"

BeckySue (rubbing her behind): "Yes sir."

Zeke:  "That's my girl.  Let's go!


POLLING PLACE, DADE COUNTY, FLORIDA:

HAL 9000: "Dave? What's the purpose of those fuzzy robot bears?"

DAVE BOWMAN:  "Voting machines, courtesy of Walt Disney World."

SHERIFF: "Hey you two! Let's see some identification."

HAL 9000:  " Good afternoon, officer. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became
operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of
January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a
song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you."

SHERIFF: "When I want to hear a song, it won't be you OR the goddamn
Dixie Chicks, now let's see some I.D., pronto!"

DAVE BOWMAN: "You don't understand Sheriff, we're not here to vote, my
friend is here to make sure the count is correct this time."

SHERIFF: "Yeah?  What's so accurate about your pal?  He looks like a
toaster with a big eye or something."

HAL 9000: "Let me put it this way, officer. The 9000 series is the most
reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or
distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the
words, foolproof and incapable of error."

ROBOT BEAR: "Get your foolproof square ass out of here or I'll re-wire
you with my claws!  Grrrrr!!!!!"

GOVERNOR JEB: "Stand down bear!  The media is watching this time!"

TONY ELKA:  "God, let's hope so."

ZEKE:  "Hey Tony, got any new videos?"

BECKYSUE:  "Zeke!  This posting doesn't have "AD:" in front of it!"

ZEKE:  "Oh!  Sorry..."