Category: First/lastshortlisted
Whispers
SSC category: 'First/Last Line.' (also School and Edge) Whispers by Tasha Mr Wilson was a narrow-eyed, shifty man and Miss Swan didn't like him at all. He never looked her in the eye and he had a strange habit of ceaselessly rubbing the thumb and middle finger of his right hand together. It made a distracting, whispery sound and Miss Swan found herself staring pointedly at his hand in the hope that he would stop. 'So you see,' he said. 'The school governors felt that the discipline in your little school was somewhat lax.' Miss Swan smiled thinly. 'I am quite proud of my "little" school, Mr Wilson,' she said. 'And I expect the governors only have the best intentions. However-' 'It's not my decision,' Mr Wilson said, momentarily stopping the rubbing to raise his hands defensively. 'The governors simply felt that - well, your tender years... I'm sure you understand.' He smiled, showing uneven, yellow teeth. Miss Swan bristled. 'I realise I am younger than your average old hag headmistress, but I consider that an asset. My girls can relate to me better than they can to some battleaxe ten times their age.' She stopped herself, taking a deep breath. Mustn't let him get to me, she thought. But it was hard. That whispering noise was really getting under her skin. He'll wear away his fingertips, she thought, bewildered. 'Yes, and I think that's exactly why the governors are insisting on changing the discipline policy here. You relate to your pupils like equals. You're not an authority figure. Girls need discipline, Miss Swan.' He made eye contact for a moment and she looked away, unnerved. 'As I'm sure you're aware.' 'Fine,' she said frostily. 'We'll dust off the Victorian torture devices. Will that satisfy you, Mr Wilson?' 'You needn't look to satisfy ME, Miss Swan,' he said in a mockery of pleasantness. 'Only the governors. No doubt you're too young to have tasted the cane in your own school career, but I can assure you of its effectiveness.' The whispering intensified as he spoke. 'Barbaric,' she muttered. 'Beating defenceless little girls - Mr Wilson, WILL you stop that, please?' He looked surprised and glanced at his hand. He shrugged and put his hand in his pocket, where she could still hear his fingers whispering. 'It's not barbaric, Miss Swan,' he told her in a patronising tone. 'As you will see.' 'Very well. I'll dig the ancient punishment book out of mothballs and record every stroke. Then you'll know - sorry, the GOVERNORS will know - that my girls aren't being coddled.' 'Oh, I'm afraid a punishment book won't be enough,' he said. 'I don't understand.' 'That's why they sent me, you see.' His fingers whispered madly, as though tormented by an unbearable itch. Miss Swan's eyes widened with horrific understanding. 'Mr Wilson, you are not laying a finger on my girls!' He met her eyes again and smiled his goatish smile. 'I have no intention of touching them.' he said. 'I like to watch.' (c) 2004 SSC by Tasha
Haley Brimley email
To be honest, I'm not sure why this would be classified as "Edge" in the first place...... and that's the very least of my concerns. It's just one heck of a story. The 'whispering' sound is an excellent characterization of the male character, but it is achieved uniquely through the female character's emotions and reactions to it. Additionally, the whole voyeurism issue was quite clear to me even without knowing which the chosen last line would be. The ability in this story has been to create a 'hero' and a 'villain' with few words; even less than 500 could be used. Really well done.
Haley
Sarah Nada email
"Whispers" has atmosphere to spare, and features a character so creepy that I'm a little sorry to have read about him at bedtime. Altogether, the author has created an unusual school story that gets a lot of mileage out of its last line.
Sarah
Chantymer email
You could see the irritation building inside Ms. Swan as she became more perturbed by the sound of him rubbing his fingers together. I wanted to reach into the story & slap him silly. This was a good story, well written and easy to follow.