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Category: Mini-saga

Sweet old rhyme refashioned

Alex Birch

Sweet old rhyme refashioned

by Alex Birch

Category: Mini Saga

Words: 50

Jack and Jill climbed up the hill
our Jack is wondering if she will
accept his bribe of half a crown
to touch her toes with panties down

Jill lay weeping on the grass
trembling, clutching burning ass
cursing Jack through tears and pain
the bastard used that cane again!!

Angie

From a spanko point of view, this is a really cute rhyme and I enjoyed it a lot. But, I really wanted it to fit the meter of the original, so I kept trying to make it fit and it doesn't, and that annoyed me. I think that has much more to do with my own neuroses than it does with the poem, so I'm going to give the writer props for a job well-done.

John Benson

The 50 word format is so constraining that it's hard to do well. So by also making it a poem, which is also a very constraining format, you'd think it might come out a mess. This doesn't. It's easy, breezy, and cute. It seems nearly effortless. And while it's hardly deathless, it's far from lifeless. What a nice little surprise.

--johnb

Trisha Allen

Funny little nursery rhyme. Of course, I've never heard it told this way before. Still it was quite enjoyable!