"STAYING THE COURSE" by the Crimson Kid [Category: Period] 

(All rights reserved. This story's setting is in Asia Minor immediately
following the fall of Troy after a ten-year siege, centuries B.C.) 

 Menelaus gasped at the missive, clearly in his wife's handwriting.
 "Damn! I am ever getting it..."

 "What's the matter, Men?" his older brother asked. "We've finally
crushed the Trojans, and I'm sure our search patrols will find Helen
soon." 
 "Ummm...No, they won't."
 "What do you mean?" Agamemnon frowned. "Is she...?" 

 "She's fine," the younger man muttered. "I've just received a letter
from her." 
 "From somewhere in Troy?" 
 "From Sparta, actually." Menelaus chewed his lower lip. "Helen's very
annoyed with me, for not checking my messages last decade." 
 "Sparta!" The Greek chieftain sputtered. "How can that be?" 

 "Well, Ag, she went to visit her mother for a month." The Spartan
ruler shrugged. "Helen left me a note about it, but I didn't bother to
read it--something I'm going to pay for once I get home." 
 "This is rather inconvenient, Men. We assured all of Greece that
Helen had been kidnapped, stated we were certain of it, and that
overwhelming military intervention against Troy was critical." Agamemnon
sighed. "Now it turns out we were wrong. What will we tell the Greek
people?" 
 "We'd better stay the course, it's the only politically viable
option." 

 "Stay the course? What do you mean?" the older man demanded. 
 "We'll say that the whole campaign was for the best anyway," his
sibling explained, "That we did it to benefit the Trojan people." 
 "But we've burned down their city, slaughtered their citizens and
enslaved all the survivors of the carnage." Agamemnon snorted. "How does
that benefit them?" 
 "We've liberated them from the tyranny of King Priam, that's our
position. We don't really have to provide details, Ag, since the Greek
people don't want to believe that a costly decade of war was
unnecessary." The Spartan nodded. "It should work. People who are
critical will be denounced as pacifistic cowards who aren't supporting
our brave warriors." 

 "Maybe you're right, I don't want to admit to attacking Troy based on
faulty intelligence--that makes me look like I didn't know what I was
doing."
 "Egypt's been claiming all along that Troy didn't have Helen, that we
were acting rashly." Menelaus scowled. "They'll act smug over there, but
we've discredited them as 'Old Mediterranean' already." 
 "Should we apologize to the surviving Trojans," Agamemnon mused,
"Release them from bondage anyway?" 
 "Then we'd be admitting wrongdoing," his brother pointed out. "Stay
the course, Ag." 


 Weeks later, arriving home shortly after harvest season, Menelaus
tried to pacify his wife. 
 "Even if I was mistaken because I didn't read your message," he
argued pleadingly, "It all turned out for the best, darling." 
 "I'm not a naive simpleton, don't give me your sound-bite slogans as
excuses." Helen flexed her fresh willow switch threateningly. "I'm going
to teach you to think before you act, my arrogant husband. Now bare your
buttcheeks and bend over, your majesty." 
 Reluctantly, Menelaus proferred his upturned naked buttocks for a
lengthy, thorough whipping by his beautiful spouse. 
 SWIIISH-SWAP!! He gasped as Helen smirked. 

 "Now, sweetheart, I'll be the one staying the course..." 
 {The End}