Category: Periodshortlisted
A Revolutionary Fate
'A REVOLUTIONARY FATE' by Alex Birch Category: Period Words: 498 The sky was grey and forbidding as the tumbril clattered across the cobblestones in the damp early morning, the Place de la Concorde echoing to the cries of the unruly crowd and the quiet weeping of the women now approaching their nemesis in fear. Men swore and hags spat as the tumbril stopped and unloaded six slender young women one by one, helped down by less than gentle artisan's hands and deposited in front of the guillotine, each pushed unceremoniously towards the steps and told to wait in line. Comtesse Caroline de Chevignan was 19, an orphan of the revolution and terrified. She was first in the line and, trembling, she looked up at the giant angled blade some 20 feet above her and almost fainted. She squeezed the muscles of her bladder as the order came 'De Chevignan..mount the platform!' and with a tiny cry she obeyed, pushed and prodded all the way by her guard, a ruffian of the citizens army who delighted in the rough handling. The crowd howled its delight as she mounted the steps, her eyes frightened and wide as she gazed at the hooded executioner awaiting her, his arms folded in grim expectation. Somehow she reached the top step though her legs were jelly and her body was shaking. The hooded man grabbed her arm, laughing as her nerve failed and she struggled to be free. The guard sprang forward but the executioner motioned him back, well able to take care of this slip of a girl. The crowd below hooted and yelled abuse as Caroline was secured easily, the executioner picking her up as if she were a feather and laying her face down on the guillotine platform. The guard unlocked and lifted the hinged frame into which the victim's head was placed and, once Caroline had been manoeuvered into place, the top frame was brought down and secured, the girl's head just 15 feet below the savage blade. 'Are you ready, Comtesse?' the executioner demanded and the girl cried 'Do what you must, Citoyen! ' He nodded then stepped back a pace. He signalled the guard who eagerly leapt forward to the secured Caroline and promptly lifted her full skirts and petticoats as she shrieked in shame and horror, the shrieks becoming shrill as the ruffian unfastened her drawers and pulled them down to her ankles. Her shapely pale bottom quivered delightfully as the executioner leaned down and picked up a thick leather cart strap which he slapped menacingly against his palm before swinging it over his head and bringing it down with a thwack across the meat of the girl's buttocks. A red weal burned across her bottom and a scream rent the air as the executioner paused to admire his handiwork. He smiled at the grinning guard and shouted:- 'Great idea of the Committee to commute the sentence of these pretty little petty-aristos from death to a good flogging! Much less messy and far more fun!'
Joni email
Alex:
More fun, indeed! This has a great sense of anticipation, well done in terms of the main female character. I appreciated the details, and the historicity. Thank you!
J*ni
Pablo email
Such intricate and vivid scene-setting, the denoument almost feels anti-climactic. At first the threat of the guillotine, if it wasn't going to be used, might seem somewhat implausible - aimed squarely at conjuring a false suspense for the reader, rather than convincingly at the victim - but on second thoughts that's not true at all. What better way to teach the dissolute aristocracy some measure of humility than by taking them to the brink of execution and then back again. It wasn't called 'The Terror' for no good reason. I might quibble that the dialogue feels a bit too modern, but it's no big deal. I enjoyed the atmosphere enormously. (Pablo)
Haron email
I don't think I've ever been so relieved after reaching the end of a SSC story. Shows you how relative things are, when a public flogging appears to be a rather lenient sentence... Nicely done.