4th of July at the The Beach
By Gwen (aka Southbaydog)
Category: Adult
Word Count: 500

Valerie woke to scent of salt spray and a shift in the wind. Lying on her side, slightly curled in a semi-fetal position, she gradually became aware of the sun streaming in through the mesh doorway of the tent. Greg still lay sleeping beside her - it would take a hurricane, she thought, to wake him!

She luxuriated in the feeling of the sun warming her buttocks like the ark seen through an opening in the temple wall in one of the Indiana Jones movies. She stretched slightly - "I am a goddess..." she thought to herself, lifting a hand up to pull down the zippered doorway. The sun glinted on the coral-red sparkly "come fuck me" color of her acrylic fingernails.

The tide was coming in; they would have to move the tent back soon. Valerie knew she should wake Greg, but not just yet. She was enjoying the moment, the sunshine and sea spray felt so sexy. And she thought how delicious it would be to feel the tip of Greg's tongue teasing her between the lips of her labia, gradually opening her flesh and seeking out the source of her heat. She sighed - too bad there were so many people on the beach....

A rogue wave lapped at the doorway to the tent, and Valerie scurried to move their belongings back, waking Greg in the process. Children shrieked in delight as the water moved in quickly and families frantically moved their settlements to higher ground.

Greg was quickly on top of the situation and had their tent repositioned within minutes.

It was the time of day that Valerie loved best - late afternoon when the coastal clouds had lifted and it felt languorously warm - the time that Greg usually thought they should pack it in and head home to avoid traffic, but Valerie wanted to stay till sunset.

Since it was the 4th of July, a holiday, Greg was amenable to staying later. Now that he was awake, he could not help but notice the increased number of nubile young women sunning themselves face down on towels with their firm little butts scantily clad, practically begging to be smacked.

As he admired the enticing sight they presented, he found himself wondering how many of these girls had ever received a spanking and felt a stirring in his loins. He looked over to see what Val was doing - "Let's go back inside the tent," he said her.

"Why?" she protested, "This is my favorite time of day!"

"You'll see - come inside," he ushered her.

Greg zipped up the front door for privacy; inside the tent he turned to Valerie and yanked down the lower portion of her swimsuit. "What are you doing?" she cried out in surprise.

"I've a real strong desire to give you a spanking, and there's no saying "no!" Greg's hand came down hard on Val's backside with a SMACK again and again! Outside, the waves crashed while children continued to shriek and play; nobody heard a thing.

A deliciously sensual story.  The writer engages the reader's senses in subtle yet powerful ways, making us smell the air, feel the sun, luxuriate in the atmosphere, feel her arousal.  I also loved the details in this story: the "come fuck me" nail polish, the heat on her buttocks, the lapping of the waves on the tent door.  In fact, I would rather have read this in a long story format because I wanted more.  The ending, which could have been a cute surprise, felt like an abrupt cut-off to an elegant and loquacious build-up.

Nice tease of a story!  It might have taken the whole story to get to the action, but it was a nice journey.  It leads me to thinking of what will happen next.  With the sexuality described in the beginning of the story, what follows has to be hot!

Sweet and sexy story with some really nice image descriptions. The author really brought out the full beauty of the location and made you feel like you a complete idea of the scene. The setup was sweet and had a realistic tone to it.

It also has the kind of public, but not exactly public, scene I enjoy as well. It would have to be some pretty loud wave-crashing to drown out the sounds of a spanking through a thin tent wall, but fun nevertheless.

I like the woozy inconsequentiality of this. It feels like an account of real events, vividly remembered, rather than something constructed - and that sort of vignette works particuarly well in the limited space. There's also some lovely imagery; the Indiana Jones reference is perfect.

My main quibble is with the handling of point of view. The first two-thirds of the story are told very clearly from Valerie's POV. It then switches abruptly and jarringly to Greg's POV. Especially in such a short piece, it's important to limit POV. If the narration goes inside the head of a character, it should be limited only to that character: it should be *their* story. Presenting the story from multiple points of view dilutes its effect, and confuses the question of just whose story it is.