"COLLABORATION" by the Crimson Kid [Category: (Beginnings and) Endings]
{508 words}

[Note: During recent SSS discussion on possibly spanking-oriented songs, I started writing part of the *spankified* song parody within this story, counting on there being a satire/parody category in this year's SSC. Since that turned out to be "a chicken that didn't hatch," I had to develop a plotline around the song parody and finagle it into a different category.]

(All rights reserved. This story's setting is mid-June of 2007 in a suburban meeting center in the U.S.A.)

"...'Your mate needs discipline,' my best friend to me said,
'Blistering male butts is one reason that we've wed.
It won't be hard for you to turn his bottom red,
There must be fifty ways to spank your husband.'

Smack him hard on each nate, Kate.
Pin his thighs with your leg, Peg.
No need to get fancy, Nancy,
Put him over your knee.

'This is the best way to resolve a spousal spat,
Your man must be chastised when he misbehaves like that.
Paddle his bare buns if he's acting like a brat,
There must be fifty ways to spank your husband.'

Fix his little red wagon, Megan.
Just insist he bend over, Clover.
Make his nether cheeks sting, Ling,
Put him over your knee.

'He must be taken firmly in your loving hand,
Masculine backsides need to be routinely tanned.
Upon his derriere is where your swats should land,
There must be fifty ways to spank your husband.'

Hear him blubber and wail, Gail.
Take your strap to his fanny, Annie.
Don't try to be trendy, Wendy,
Put him over your knee."

{The End}

[Additional note: Given my spanko-orientation and the background of these recurring story characters, I naturally adapted Simon's song to a F/M spanking version. For those who like F/F situations, the lyrics could easily be converted by changing the male descriptors/pronouns to female ones in the lyrics. Converting to M/F or M/M would be harder, although it might be done by replacing female names with rhyming male ones.]

Fun little story using a favorite Paul Simon song. I especially liked the tension of competition and the all too real envy of contestants. The lyrics are clever and work beautifully; in fact, I'll never hear that song the same way again. The ending was not surprising (it is a spanking story, after all), but the author was slick in his use of the last line.

This story is very clever and creative. It uses the necessary ending line very well. The idea of a spanking talent contest is rather unique. I love the description of the trophy; I would really like to have one like that of my own to put on my desk as a conversation piece. Seriously though, it's little touches like the trophy that make this story stand out.

I did find some of the dialogue a bit confusing. I read the story numerous times, but found it hard to keep track of who was coupled with whom.

The song parity is very well thought out. Lines like "Pin his thighs with your leg, Peg." are very catchy and fun to read. They also convey an accurate knowledge of the spanking scene while managing to adapt that world to a song that is fully unrelated.

Despite being crushed that there was no parody category this year, the author managed to harness his powers to suit his twisted evil. He made good use of his chosen ending, the story was cohesive and complete, and amusing in it's attempt at perverting Simon's song (you sick bastard--and I mean that in a complimentary way).

I thought the characters could have been more fully realized with a few well placed descriptors. This line, for example:

"Making fun of our domestic situation," he interrupted, "That's no laughing matter."

could have been,

"Making fun of our domestic situation," he interrupted with a straight face, "that's no laughing matter."

Or "he" could have intterupted "soberly," or with another adjective that could have given me insight into whether or not the speaker was deathly serious or, as would fit with the tone of the piece, merely playing the straight man (I assumed the latter).

Such editorial tweaking is, of course, up to that author, and that was merely a suggestion.

I liked the double meaning of the title, "Collaborator." Alas, someone's butt was doomed from the beginning, and it was only fitting that the gentleman in question submit. My only question is, did he go to his fate with a heavy heart, or a song on his lips?

Here the author has found a clever way to get around the lack of parody category this year, this story works both as a parody and as a story (sort of a story within a story as it were) with the parody as a plot device.

My one quibble with this entry is the dialog. All the characters seem to speak in the same voice -- without the attribution it would be impossible to tell them apart. This makes them seem unreal and without individual personality rather than as distinct from each other.

Still, humming the song made me smile.

Stories don't have to be deep and gloomy to have some substance, but there really isn't anything at all to grab onto here - no drama, no sense of character or plotting. There are some problems with point of view, which, if fixed, might help. This is apparently a first-person narrative, and yet much of it has the feel of the blandest third-person. For example,

"Candy Waverly regarded her second-place trophy..."

has no real sense of being the narrator's voice. In what context would he use these words? Even if these words aren't direct speech, they do still need to have the narrator's *voice*.

I don't mean to seem so dismissive, because CK has plenty of writing ability, but I'd love to see something more challenging, which makes use of what is admittedly a limited space to tell a real story, with some genuine drama and emotion. As usual, it's such a light and cutesy confection that it carries no weight at all.