"The Viking Prince"

By Gwen, aka Southbaydog
Category: Beginnings/Endings - "It's wrong, I know it's wrong"
Word Count: 498

"It's wrong, I know it's wrong," Carla said to herself, although David kept telling her otherwise. She thought of their affair in the usual way, though David said she was hopelessly bourgeois (he didn't quite see it that way - the fact that he was married to someone else - was a mere detail). Carla, however, had never been much good at keeping secrets; basically, she was an honest person, and her involvement with David had been conditional on openness from the start. So everyone knew about her relationship with David, especially at work, where it was impossible to hide. David and Carla worked together closely, peer cooks in a hot, steamy Chelsea kitchen. She was the newest member of a crew of mostly part-timers at the restaurant. At 28, Carla considered herself to be very much a woman of the world.

David had worked at the restaurant off and on for several years and was known as "the Viking Prince" because of his intense Aryan charisma and flowing leonine locks, which Carla found utterly irresistible. David maintained that his wife knew about the relationship and that they had an unspoken pact never to discuss the matter. Carla, however, was unsure and continued to bring up the subject with David, who threatened to spank her if she spoke of it again. They both laughed about that, but Carla felt a compulsion to provoke, if not challenge, David to do so. Though he did not know it, Carla had a wanted a spanking her whole life, and she was especially titillated by the thought of being spanked by David. The level of passion they had together was unparalleled, and David maintained that he was committed to her for life in the same way that he was committed to his wife of 11 years, that he had as much right as any man to two wives. Carla wondered whether David spanked his wife....

Weekend mornings at the restaurant, David and Carla worked together alone preparing brunch. She made the biscuits and cornbread; he did the ham and southern fried chicken while they listened to classical music on the radio. Saturday started off much the same as any other except that it had been several days since she and David had seen each other. They could scarcely keep their hands off each other, and when Carla went downstairs to get ice, David followed her and pinned her against the door to the restroom. Deftly, he slipped off her apron and Carla began to shake with desire. Almost imperceptibly, David dropped his pants and Carla did the same; they made love, feverishly, right there on the floor. But then Carla went and ruined it all by asking what David would do when his wife asked, and he insisted, as he always did, that she already knew. And with that last remark, he flipped Carla over his lap and smacked her bare bottom, repeatedly, hard; the spanking he delivered was all she had hoped for.

This story has a problem of over explanation. 500 words is very few in which to get across a premise, some lead up events and a climax. This tale spends 90% of its time on the premise and...oh yes..on the last line she gets spanked.

I am trying to be constructive, not hurtful, here but if you read how often the names David and Carla are used throughout in explaining how they met and explaining his and her attitudes it reads a little like 'The story so far.....' synopsis to a magazine serial. By the time the author gets to the meat of the story he/she has run out of words and what should be a climax is a disappointment.

It isn't an issue with the author's ability to write. It's a question of pacing the story so that 500 words is used to optimum effect.

This story was realistic and all too common, but very effective, non-the-less. Unfortunately, the story ended just as it was getting good and needed another few hundred words to satisfy my curiosity about what happened. I guess that's the sign of a good story, eh?

The author does a nice job of setting the scene with much detail about the characters and their circumstances. The idea of an elicit romance helps add a layer of the forbidden which makes the story rather appealing. The scene where David pins Carla to the door to make love to her is very hot. That said, the spanking itself was rather anticlimactic. The story builds us up to that point, teasing us, making readers really desire more, and then the actual spanking is rather unoriginal and not described in much detail. Overall, David and Carla are intriguing and well-written characters and I loved the build-up and background description that lead to the spanking.

I liked this story. A lot in fact. I liked it so much that it needs more. While original, and very well written, the author doesn't tell an entire story in just the 500 words. This is a good teaser, now I want the rest.

This story makes good use of the first line provided, and I like the way the author builds up to the spanking at the end. I would have preferred to see more dialogue in place of description, and would have liked to learn more about the title character. He is described as charismatic, but just comes across as arrogant. Having said that, "The Viking Prince" is an entertaining story (and the food sounds delicious).