"It's wrong."

"I know it's wrong - I don't care," Shelia told her. "We'll be back in an hour, we'll straighten it out then. The alarm's set, that's the important thing."

The alarm was set, that much was clear, though how Shelia had managed to mangle the normally-simple computer panel, Brenda couldn't imagine. After lunch she'd probably have to call in to have it reset.

***

"It's wrong, I know it's wrong," Shelia said, nevertheless taking the triple-layer chocolate cake. "But the spa on Eighth has just the fix. My treat, I'll get two forks." Shelia didn't seem to live within her budget for salary or calories, yet she was a knock-out, and Brenda felt like she needed a treat after a long week of dieting, or trying to.

***

"Is that the time?" Brenda cried, spying a clock. "We've been gone two and a half hours?" The spa had been good, but she'd been aware of much more than "oh just a few minutes" passing.

"It's wrong - I know it's wrong. Probably not set for Daylight Savings Time. And here we are back," Shelia reassured her.

"I can't work late tonight," Brenda worried, as Shelia tried, with limited success, to de-activate the alarm she herself had set. In the storefront glass Brenda saw a black Lexus pull to the curb behind them.

"Ladies?" Gary, their manager, alighted from his car. Brenda's mouth dropped open to explain while Shelia remained bent prettily over the alarm panel. "A long lunch on a Sunday? No wonder the system paged me, I was afraid it was an emergency." He deactivated the alarm with his remote, asking "Brenda, will you call the company and have the system cleared? Shelia, my office?"

***

It's wrong, I know it's wrong, Brenda told herself, but couldn't stop watching. Drawn by the noise, she'd opened one door and could see into the lounge through two more they'd left open while inventorying. There on the couch an upended and bare-bottomed Shelia kicked and cried as Gary spanked her furiously. Then stopped and soothed her. Then spanked her again! After several cycles he led the red-faced girl into his office.

***

"Brenda?"

The older woman jumped at his voice, her attempt at nonchalance failing instantly. Her explanations, excuses, and protests fled her mind.

"This afternoon you were involved, I guess, in some, ah, incidents. Of Shelia's doing. Why she chose to provoke me is difficult to say," Gary claimed disingenuously. "I just want you to know that I do not hold you responsible. I understand that you have to leave at your usual time, please don't worry about it." With that he was gone.

***

"Hit you?" her husband said, incredulous. "Never!"

"Not hit, really, I meant like, spank," Brenda tried to explain.

"You're not a child. Anything you did... a momentary lapse of reason - or a minor failure of will. But I would certainly never hit you. It's wrong."

"I know it's wrong..."

I thought this story had an excellent premise. To tell the tale of two women's lunch break in a series of time broken segments and the idea of the alarm being manipulated to allow them to get away with it was a good one. I also felt that somehow it fell away at the end.  I was happy with what was going on up to Shelia's (was that meant to be Sheila...oh well at least its consistently the same) spanking by the boss.  Then Brenda appeared to be excused the same treatment but told her husband she'd beeen spanked.  I got muddled there.

Anyway a good idea but I felt the plot could have been described a little more carefully.

Finding a new plot in a spanking story is refreshing - and difficult. This story was well-written and cleverly plotted.  I enjoyed it very much.  Too bad, too many men have the reaction that the husband here had.

The only thing I have to say about this story is that it's extremely confusing and doesn't make any sense.  I read through it a few times and finally got what the alarm was, but still the story made no sense. Perhaps it needed more words or proofreading, but it was entirely too confusing.

This story took the concept of the use of the line to start the story and ran with it, using the line to weave in and out of the entire narrative.  We get a series of scenes, told from a fragmented point of view that the reader is left link together.  The style allows for the telling of a more complex and detailed story with some lovely touches (I especially liked the use of "wrong" for both the ordering of the dessert and the time on the clock).

Original and well done.

This is very very nicely done. The core of the narrative isn't especially original, but it's told with a brilliant economy, in what amount to comic strip frames. The characters and relationships are briefly sketched, yet feel completely real, and reflect quite a range of kink experiences. But it's the use of the given line that's most impressive. I can't remember a line used as well. Here it's not just a jumping-off point; it's threaded throughout the whole piece, in different ways and different contexts, so that it becomes the very theme. Great stuff.