Tourmaline Eyes

By Gwen, aka Southbaydog
Category: Edge
Word Count: 468

My lover is exceptional in so many ways. He is thoughtful, kind, and generous. He wants so much to please me and has so much to give (but only on his terms and when it pleases him to give). He has a big heart, which he keeps well protected, yet he is able to share it with so many people. Sometimes, I think, he would do anything for me, anything at all - all I need do is ask. But then I remember he would do anything for anyone (unless he did not want to) and in this, I am not special. He knows how much I want him to spank me, how much I want him to part the soft flesh between my cheeks and touch me with his tongue, how much I want him...and he is happy to spank me as long and hard as I want, because that is something he likes to do. He also likes to tease me with his tongue - he is a big tease, and I love it.

My lover is so gentle, but can be firm and hard if it suits him. He has eyes of tourmaline, liquid gems that change from turquoise to aqua like the glacial polar ice caps, constantly melting and re-freezing. His mind is finely tuned and capable of exquisite self control; he has little patience for fools. He wants to know everything about me, and I shower him with my confidences, tell him secrets I've told no other, knowing that this intimacy is something that he craves. I give it all to him as I have offered up my body for his love and the many spankings he has promised me. And I want them, even as I know that he will blister my behind and leave me unable to sit for days without thinking of him. His hands are always cool they have turned my flesh to fire, cool and calculating as he always is.

My lover delights in bringing me pleasure, and it is so easy. Though my needs are great, they are simple. He plays at passion and he plays with me, mind and body. He loves to play, but he does not love. He would not willfully cause me pain, but he will affect oblivion, which causes pain by proxy. He would have me beg, and beg I will for that which he will not give me. I have a choice, but I choose to beg even knowing my pleas will go unfulfilled as he watches over me with those cool, tourmaline eyes. He does not smile or offer solace. He will hold me as I sob after a spanking, but no more. My lover does not love me; he is a consummate player, and he would play me for a fool.

[Author's note: this story is edgy in that the narrator evidently feels a lot of pain but voluntarily accepts it - implicit psychological S&M]

I'm of such a mixed mind when it comes to this story that I had to read it twice before I could even think about a review, and a third time before I was sure of how I would rate it. At first glance it comes off as a bit pretentious, playing at an old-fashioned dramatic style but not quite sticking with it, and there is also some contradiction. 'He would do anything for anyone unless he did not want to'? Don't we all do that?

On a second reading I felt a deep pain in the narrator. Clearly she wants more than she is getting. I sense that she feels isolated, unloved. She speaks of him playing her for a fool but yet she stays. Why? Because the alternative is worse perhaps. She waxes lyrical; one minute singing his praises and the next admitting, sadly, that he is emotionally unavailable. She writes like a woman who has 'settled' for less than she'd hoped for.

When I read it a third time I was struck with the possibility that he might not even exist except in her mind. That the unbearable sadness she feels, and the absence of any emotion on his part, is because he is, literally, not there. It's a story that makes you think and one that can be interpreted a number of different ways.

I read her author's note and I see why she has put it in Edge, and I think this is a good place for the story, but not necessarily for the same reason. If nothing else this story does invoke sympathy for the narrator.

Reading this story one feels the author's pain and longing.  Rather than exploring the physical edges of our scene, it explores the (for me anyway) far scarier emotional ones.  The story feels like it was written from the heart, expressing the hurt of finding out the one we love doesn't love quite as much or well.

This story was interesting.  I could feel the narrator's pain and confusion over her lover, but she obviously loves him very deeply.  I kept waiting for there to be some sort of strange ending, but there wasn't.  It was a good story; very well written, descriptive wording that gave me a lot of vivid images.

This is well written, extremely thought out and quite sad actually. At first you think this man is perfect, the way he is describe but then the entire truth comes out and you can see his fault. An extremely important fault that the character has sadly accepted. Even though it is quite a sad story, as most Edge stories are, I enjoyed it greatly. Keep writing!