SSC2007-16: Justice in Lone Black Oak (M+/MM, spank, bullwhip) [Edge] [500 words]

This story is fiction and deals with an extreme and bloody extra-judicial whipping. If such a subject is offensive, uninteresting or if you are a minor (i.e., child) please leave now. I've put this into the edge category because I consider it to be extreme and beyond the usual fetish play.

This work is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice.

The author would appreciate your comments -- pro and con, including constructive criticism, and suggestions. E-mail: YLeeCoyote@mail.com

Justice in Lone Black Oak
by
Y Lee Coyote

The sheriff was worried. He had seen the notorious Terrible Dan ride into town with his sidekick taking the back, rather than the main, street. He was certain that the two men were planning something but he did not know what. As sheriff it was his job to prevent any trouble. The two left their horses at the livery stable before checking into the hotel for three nights. After eating they went to their room. If they did anything that night, they would be hard to track for it was certain to storm before dawn. Although their flight would be slow, the chase would be impossible. The sheriff alerted the deputies and they kept close watch.

It had been raining heavily by the time the pair snuck out of the hotel. They got their mounts from the unattended livery stable and rode around to the back of the bank. It was easy to get into the building. The safe would require a lot more effort. The sheriff and his deputies waited until the two were ready to blow the safe open when they captured the pair.

The circuit judge was not due again for nine months at the very least. The mayor had made it very clear how the town felt about having to feed and watch parasites. The two were tied to their saddles and led out of town unseen by the good town folks in the storm. Two miles out of town they stopped. The two criminals were stripped and tied to trees. The sheriff took out the bullwhip. Normally, he only cracked it and got the desired results. Occasionally, he let the end touch a rump to encourage a stubborn draft beast to move. This was not a normal situation. This time a severe lesson was needed to teach human devils.

The rain continued as the sheriff used the whip over and over on the naked backs of the bank robbers. Each and every time the black snake whip connected, there was a loud scream of pain like that of wild beasts. The storm swallowed the howls so that even the coyotes were not disturbed. A welt would form and soon bleed especially when the cuts crossed as they often did. In less than an hour both were covered with the most painful welts from their necks to their ankles.

The pair were cut down. They lay face down alongside the now muddy trail. Not having brought a bucket of seawater, a deputy covered the cuts with salt leaving the rain to finish the job. The two criminals squealed in pain.

"Don't EVER come back here!" snarled the sheriff. "Next time you leave as oxen!"

The Law returned to town leaving the two to crawl away.

After a while the criminals slowly got up and fetched their horses. They started hobbling away from town to lick their wounds. They cursed a lot and plotted revenge but deep inside they knew that they had best stay away.

The End

© Copyright A.I.L. September 3, 2007

Well it says 'edge' on the tin, but the only edgy part was the mention of blood from the bullwhip.  It was a reasonable enough western tale as far as it went with a sort of Marlon Brando 'One Eyed Jacks' element of cruelty about it but it didn't make me get out of my chair. This author has a writing style, too, which doesn't aid flow of the story.  Everything is in short staccato sentences. 'It was easy to get into the building. The safe would require more effort.'  Nice effort but not for me.

The style of this story made it a bit difficult to read - all narrative - and it wasn't all that much a spanking story, really.  I'm not sure what to say about it as really wasn't my type of story.  But, that said, it was reasonably well-written.

This story is definitely edge, and only a spanking story by association, but I can see how it could be something that could get somebody going.  I've had dark fantasies, although not this brutal, so I know that other people might go in this direction.  Somebody with a dark sadistic side would go for it easily I think.

The story fit the edge category perfectly, and was richly detailed. I guess... as a spanko, this didn't do much for me. I'm not sure how historically accurate such an occurrence would be, but I could see it happening in the old west. They were more about results and justice than due process back then, but in terms of a 'spanking story' it had very little to hold my attention.

I also think that almost an hour of harsh bullwhipping would leave those two in a lot worse condition than described, but maybe the sheriff was holding back for some reason. Painful welts just don't describe what that amount of time could do if someone was seriously whipping, but again.. the sheriff may not have been putting his all into it.

There's some nice writing and some nice imagery here, but there's also something fundamental that's missing. The basic actions and events are described, but without any sense of who these people are, how they're motivated, and what the significance of the events are for them. I go on about the importance of point of view, and this is a perfect example. This story ought to be brutally powerful, but because the characters are just place-holders it all falls flat. Two changes would help a great deal. Firstly, restricting the viewpoint to a single significant character - the sheriff would be the obvious choice. Telling the story from his perspective would reveal his feelings, his motivations, his goals. Secondly, telling the story far more with dialogue would provide a way in. Dialogue cannot help but reveal character. The important thing here is that a true *story* is more than just a description of a sequence of events.