This is in response to the ad and to Ruth's question: "How can spammers be so idiotic as to post this in Usenet???"

Because it's borrowing on another work (i.e, the spam message in the title), I'm entering this as Fan Fiction.

Old timers will remember that back in the day, there was a guy here - he went by Hal, then later Spirit - who did this sort of thing, only better and funnier. He had to leave town under unpleasant circumstances. Spirit, wherever you are, this is for you.

Warning: the following verse contains depictions of spanking, perverted sex, and incest - totally disgusting. Worse, it has a questionable rhyme or two and doesn't always scan.

You Have Received a Postcard From a Family Member

by Bird

272 words
M/F FanFiction

You have received a postcard from a family member,
Your second cousin Nella in L.A.
You saw her last Thanksgiving, and ever since November
There's something she's waited till now to say.

That night when all the rest had gone, you two stayed up late drinking.
You talked about careers, affairs, and life.
It seemed like each one knew just what the other was thinking -
Her longings, your frustration with your wife.

She leaned to you, her face aglow with flickers from the fire.
You breathed her scent, you sensed her youthful body.
She whispered low, as though she knew your deepest dark desire,
"Oh cousin, I've been very, very naughty."

Without another word she slid face down across your lap,
With one swift move she left her bottom bare.
You first caressed it, then laid on firm slap upon firm slap,
Her moans of pain and pleasure filled the air.

You stopped, she slid down, took your cock, her mouth a warm, moist chasm,
Your hand reached down her front, her sex was sopping.
Your bodies moved together and together each orgasm
Seemed to last for hours without stopping.

* * * *

It's seven months and ever since that night she let you spank her,
No e-mail, no phone call, no text, no letter.
She thinks you maybe should have said or done something to thank her
Instead of acting like you never met her.

When she found this post card service, one idea sprang to mind,
One little thing that might help you remember:
She'll post this story to every Usenet newsgroup she can find.

You have a postcard from a family member.

This is a story that I read on the newsgroup and loved and now I get a chance to say it formally, in a review. This was a very clever and well-written story which tells an all too-common tale of lust gone bad. This was highly inventive in that it took a piece of spam and turned it into a work of art - no small feat for sure. It may be the first piece of spam immortalized in verse.

This has potential to be funny. It's mostly kind of gaudy. The ending got a smile out of me, but other than that, there isn't much to it. The author does a good job of telling a story in so few words, however, I also don't believe it belongs in FanFiction. It just doesn't seem to fit.

It's true that the lines don't always rhyme perfectly, but what a clever idea. A delightful way to turn icky spam into something interesting and on-topic, and I have to say I was very amused at the content. With a slightly-edgy bit of incest thrown in for good measure, this short (even for the SSC) story really catches your attention.

I can see this happening, at least the sex part, and the guy being too embarrassed after to ever bring it up. Oye, the things that happen when you drink too much! I'd love to see a sequel with the guy's response, but this piece stands just fine as is.

I am in awe of your creativity in coming up with the idea of making a parody out of a spam message. What a unique and fun idea. This poem has a bit of edginess to it which I like, being that they are second cousins and at least one of them is married, yet they still engage in some hot hanky spanky and sex. I love how they make an instant hot connection on a lonely night. That sort of thing is right up my alley. The twist at the end is great, very creative. Makes me want to send a postcard or two to a couple of people I've crossed paths with. Great Job!

Oh, it's probably churlish, but I found myself enjoying this so much that I wished it had had some more polish just to fix the problems with the scanning. Parodying spam is sometimes an easy target, but it's done with real skill here, and - good as it is - it could be great. The ephemeral nature of what's being parodied doesn't mean that the parody itself can't have some longevity.