SSC2007-14: Entrance Exam (m+/m, spank, strap) [Gothic] [497 words]

This story is fiction and deals with teen strapping. If such a subject is offensive, uninteresting or if you are a minor (i.e., child) please leave now. Perhaps I'm pushing a bit calling this 'gothic' but my protagonist is a modern, twenty-first century lad not one from a third of a millennium ago so he sees an old abandoned, haunted house a bit differently.

This work is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice.

The author would appreciate your comments -- pro and con, including constructive criticism, and suggestions. E-mail: YLeeCoyote@mail.com

Entrance Exam
by
Y Lee Coyote

There was a loud, piecing scream.

Morgan realized that it was his own scream.

How did he get into this predicament? His mind flashed back to a few hours earlier when he had, freely and purposely, walked up the hill to the old abandoned mansion never believing that it was haunted. Haunted was for babies. He knew that the others would be watching from hidden places to see if he was a man or a mouse. It was dark for the sun had set long before and even the crescent moon was now gone. He was dressed warmly in preparation for the long chilly end of October.

The porch steps creaked. The door squealed on its rusty hinges. By the light of his flashlight he could see the mess. He started up the stairs. They too, complained about his footsteps. The railing was loose. He made it to the next floor. The wind was howling through broken windows and even the wall. Two more floors to go.

He carefully stepped over the missing step as he made his way to the third level. The attic stairs were different. They were hidden behind a narrow door that he had to yank hard to open. His heart was pounding as he made his way up. It was dark and drafty. The wind howled. He was alone. His mind said there was nothing to hurt him here but his gut disagreed. He wished that he had peed before he started but then just did it through the broken louvers. Time seemed to creep.

Then he heard them. The creaking of the porch steps, the floors and stairs. It was comforting. He turned out his light. Then they were on the attic steps. They had big, bright lights. He was waiting in the pentagram painted in the center of the space. They surrounded him. He had been told what to do. Just being there, waiting, had been part of the ordeal. He knew he had to do it right to join.

In the wordless silence, he removed his clothes. He tossed everything aside until he was in his birthday suit. He did not hesitate nor rush but did it as calmly as he could. He wanted to be cool. It was cold but he pretended not to notice. He had to fight his modesty constantly reminding himself that they had bodies just like his and his was nothing to be ashamed of. They turned down their lights.

He placed his heavy belt on the specified vertex and assumed the position: bent over and grasping his ankles. He waited.

One of them picked up the belt. He steeled himself as best he could. It seared as it connected with his butt for it was not a baby cut. Morgan felt great pain. He bit his lip to keep from yelling like a baby. Then there was another cut and another.

He screamed for each one but never moved determined to prove himself.

The End

© Copyright A.I.L. August 30, 2007

I thought Morgan's approach to the house was described in a very effective and atmospheric fashion and I was quite caught up in the fear and tension as he apporached his goal. The creepy aura of the story and visions of the pentagram on which he stood to receive his induction whipping was likely something from a Dennis Wheatley novel and none the worse for that.   Oh just a little personal idiosyncracy on terms used. The words 'birthday suit' always sound a bit twee in an adult context as if from an Enid Blyton Famous Five book. Whats wrong with 'naked' ? But I'm nit picking. A very nice effort.

A sufficiently creepy little tale.  It didn't quite capture the dark, foggy, mysterious feeling some gothic stories have done, but it was spooky in its own right.  I liked the narrative style, sans dialogue, which would have broken the mood of the story.  My only issue was the short, choppy sentences.  Sometimes this method of storytelling works, but I don't think it flowed right in this particular instance. Definitely creepy, though.

Good story.  It's not clear till the end what's going to happen, so the lead up had me thinking of another way the story could go.  I liked the way it ended, so there was no disappointment that it hadn't lived up to the promise it hinted at in the beginning.

Despite the author's doubt I do feel that this story can fit into the gothic category. It certainly seems dark enough, with a slight supernatural overtone, for at least the first part of the story. By the end it basically seems like a club of young boys trying to prove their bravery.

The initiation/hazing strapping that followed isn't really unrealistic, such things happen, or used to happen, all the time. His determination to stay in place for each one seemed very natural, although I'm surprised he allowed himself to scream. Most boys would be afraid of being called a sissy and would bite their lips to avoid making noise, at least at first, before it got too much. That is just a personal opinion though.

In all it was a very well described, well written story, which I enjoyed reading.

The tone is just right here - the slow, steady progression and the sense of inescapable dread - and I like both that the menace turns out to be something very worldly and that it's something the protagonist has chosen for himself. That the threat remains wordless and faceless also works very well. I can't help thinking, though, that the power of the build-up is rather deflated by the anti-climactic ending, which doesn't really go anywhere in particular. Gothic stories thrive on spooky or threatening twists, and things become significantly *less* threatening towards the end - it's a shame, because there's some good writing. (Though a couple of brownie points off for the cliche of someone hearing a scream and realising it's them doing the screaming.)