SSC2007-13: Changed at The Open Cage (F+/M, spank) [Not My Kink] [499 words]

This story is fiction and deals with femdom. If such a subject is offensive, uninteresting or if you are a minor (i.e., child) please leave now. This is a _Not My Kink / Someone Else's Kink_ entry. I think that there are several guys posting here who would relish this. I don't think it matches anyone of them especially perfectly so I need not name names. I thought it would be fun to write about something different yet still spanking related.

This work is copyright by the author and commercial use is prohibited without permission. Personal/private copies are permitted only if complete including the copyright notice.

The author would appreciate your comments -- pro and con, including constructive criticism, and suggestions. E-mail: YLeeCoyote@mail.com

Changed at The Open Cage
by
Y Lee Coyote

Every Wednesday when Alberto left work, he went to The Open Cage as his wife was at her club meetings. There he would, after a couple of doubles, ogle the ladies and make smartass remarks. He was, of course, afraid to even suggest that one of them leave with him and go to the local hourly motel. The regular patrons knew him and thought he was a joke. The bartender did not eject him because it was a slow time and his cash was most green

The Wednesday crowd gradually got fed up with this obnoxious male chauvinistic pig and decided that he needed to be taught a lesson. They made plans and one afternoon he found himself surrounded by a bevy of large woman whose body types he had indicated were his favorite. Alberto always talked of how women groveled for his attention and his favors. Truth be told, Alberto had known but one woman, his wife, in his life and only as the puritanical sex book his mother had given him just before his marriage advised. These women had a different view of the female/male relationship. They didn't have any doubt that women must be in charge and that Alberto needed to learn his place. Flattered, Alberto was easily enticed into the backroom where his fate was sealed. The women, surrounding him, told him the sort of things that he dreamed of hearing but never had in real life. They wanted to see his wonderful body, so slowly they stripped him; suit coat and tie; belt and shoes; shirt and trousers; T-shirt and briefs. Although he saw himself as an Adonis, he was soft and flabby from years of neglect. He did not even rise to the occasion.

He was shocked when they then told him unpleasant truths of his inferiority and inadequacies. He thought of fleeing but his clothes were nowhere in sight and he was ashamed leave naked. He was soon begging for release, promising to change and never to return. They laughed and ridiculed him even more. He was hysterical. He did not appreciate the irony of that diagnosis.

Alberto couldn't comprehend why they lectured him like he was a little naughty boy although it was so effective that he was practically crying. One of the women sat in a large, sturdy chair and patted her lap. When he did not get the message a couple of the others grabbed him and pulled him across her lap. He was held in position as she SPANKED him VERY HARD with a HEAVY HAIRBRUSH. He yelped for each and every painful spank and she kept at it until he was bawling like a well-spanked little boy always does. They led him back into the front room and parked him in a corner with his hands on his head for an hour with his hot red tail on display.

They ordered him to return the following Wednesday and warned him that he had better change his ways.

The End

© Copyright A.I.L. August 27, 2007

The ultimate male submissive dream, being spanked and dominated by a group of women.  I would have liked to see a little more detail, but it was a decent sketch of a scene.

It seems to me maybe Alberto got a little more than he bargained for. I wasn't sure whether or not he was enjoying himself.  I like the setting, a seedy bar and illicit sex.  It always gets my mind racing. To go from puritanical sex to a scene like that must have been quite a shock for poor Alberto.  Nice job!

Aside from the spelling errors I am not sure where to start.  This story is poorly written, with the capitalization of specific words during the spanking scene and the overall feel of it.  I feel like the author doesn't write much and this story reflects that.  It reads like a first draft that wasn't proofread.  I think the premise of the story is a great one, but not very well written in this instance.

The story was fairly well written. Though there were a few small problems with typos and such, they didn't detract from the story terribly. I've no doubt that this scene would be a hot fantasy for some men, and some women too. There didn't seem to be a lot of passion in the words though, maybe because it's not the author's kink?

The setup was pretty good... and I bet a lot of women (even non-kinky ones) have had fantasies about doing something like this to one of the many egotistical jerks that seem to run wild, so it was certainly enjoyable to read for that reason.

This reads as an outline for a story, rather than an actual story. The major problem is point of view. The very distant third person narration that's used here inevitably distances us from the characters. We see them from afar, with no particular insight into their actions, motivations and feelings. Things would be much improved simply by switching to a first person POV - either Alberto's or one of the girls'. Even in third person, telling more of the story in dialogue would have helped; it's a very effective way to reveal character while moving the plot along at the same time.

The narrative itself is just a bit too black and white: a bad man has a humiliating experience and apparently changes his ways. It ends up a bit ho-hum. I suspect it might work as fantasy material for someone into the fantasy, but for a general reader there isn't much to grab hold of.