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| Whilst Mum's Away" Peter Martin pmartin242003 (at) yahoo (dot) co (dot) uk Category: Coming of Age
“It's not good enough is it Jimmy?" “No Mum." “Why didn't you phone me when Karen told you to?" “I was going to." “Really?" “I would have phoned." “When?" “I was thinking about it Mum, honest. I was just about to." “But your sister phoned first still didn't she." “I guess" he whined. That tone of voice always annoyed me. I knew my son was trying to wheedle his way out of something whenever he moaned like that. “I just don't know Jimmy. Maybe I shouldn't have gone away." I had to think about this for a moment. Here I am, on holiday, away from home for the first time in years, having first got a firm promise from my 16 year old son that he would behave and not cause Karen any problems. Yet here he was, just two days later, and he went out without telling his sister and she got all worried, and so she would. But she is only 18 herself so maybe it was unfair of me to give her all that responsibility whilst I flitted off on holiday. Looking after the house and her brother. Karen had agreed when Jimmy promised to be good, but maybe I had underestimated just how little regard her brother had for others, and how naughty he still is. Karen is reliable and even as a youngster was always prepared to shepherd Jimmy around, even when he acted childishly. In the last couple years though he got too much for Karen. Even I had trouble. Whilst Karen, just 2 years older, had matured into a responsible young lady, Jimmy remained childish and I regularly put him across my lap for a bare bottom spanking with my hairbrush. And still he hasn't learnt. “Jimmy, it just isn't good enough." I could feel myself getting upset. “I won't do it again Mum. Promise." “No Jimmy, you have let me down and what's worse you have let yourself down. If I was home now what would I be doing to you. Go on, tell me." “But you're not Mum. You're on holiday." I could feel the smirk on his face. It came right down the phone. That was it. “How dare you. Is your sister there?" “Sorry Mum, erm, yes." Now I felt his fear, and so he should be. “Put the loudspeaker on. Karen, can you hear me?" “Yes Mum." “Right. Get my hairbrush. Put Jimmy across your lap. I want to hear you spanking him. On the bare." “Already got it Mum. Jimmy, you heard." I liked Karen's tone. “Do it Jimmy. Now" I ordered. I heard him moan, and some shuffling, then the steady smack of wood on bare skin, followed by a gasp and sobbing and then unabated crying. “Good girl. I'll tell you when to stop." “No problem Mum. It's actually very satisfying." Yes, Karen has grown up very nicely thank you. A pity Jimmy hasn't. Anyway, now I can relax and enjoy my holiday after all. |
| Readers
Comments: |
| Steven:
js (at) smilingwithteeth (dot) com Seems to me Jimmy lives in a world where he cannot do anything right. Poor guy. This story seems quite run of the mill to me. It wasn't badly written, but I didn't find anything fresh about it. |
| Hal:
janhaltn (at) gmail (dot) com This is an interesting story. Maybe it should be called "Long Distance Spanking". I bet this has happened more often then some would think. It was a well constructed story and had a good flow to it. It was easy to understand and the word pictures were clear. I hope this author writes more stories for us to enjoy. |
| CK:
CrimsnKid6 (at) aol (dot) com A dialogue-based story about a mature, responsible older sister pants-down paddling her immature, misbehaving slightly younger brother, at her mother's behest while she listens in over the telephone speaker, and I get to review it? Well, even so it has to be a well-written and effective story to get high marks, but I'd venture that it is quite well done in describing a new, improved sibling domestic situation from the maternal perspective. The sister's gratification in administering her brother's spanking, and their mother's satisfaction with the girl's punitive performance, are nice touches which indicate (to me anyway) that Karen (the sister) will be putting Jimmy (her little brother) over her knees on a regular basis in the future, giving Mum a bit of a break when she needs one. Two strict female disciplinarians are twice as good as one, after all. The dialogue and the maternal narrator's thought processes are what make this first-person account relatively straightforward yet enjoyable.. |
| Jess:
peaceluvnbooks (at) clovermail (dot) net Dialogue isn't always easy to write, especially in a 500 word story, and I think this author did a nice job making it work in this piece. The voices of each character really rang through in each word. I especially liked the mother's reaction to her son's whining. The situation in which a mother listens to her son's spanking via the phone seemed to me to be an original one. I also liked the way the writer conveyed how the situation deteriorated. At first the mother felt guilty for not being home, the son thought he'd get away with something, but as the dialogue unfolded, it neatly lead to the spanking conclusion. I found myself curious as to how, even though the 2 were raised similarly, Jimmy and his sister seemed to be so different in terms of rule-following. I almost found myself feeling sorry for Jimmy because his mother seemed so negative towards him. This didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story, it just made me curious enough to want to read a longer version someday. |