SSC 2009: It's the Cane for the Schoolgirl, We All Know It (And Corner Time), by Mary Catherine Whitney

To the tune of REMs It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

This pain, it starts with a sharp ache, marks and wheals, a heavy cane -- but this schoolgirl is not to blame.

Deny it, just a game, listen to yourself - learn - words serve their own needs, tell the Dean; make him believe. Feel it often, must be, blunt, no, speak, but teeth start to chatter, with fear, flight, not right. Liar in a mire, now presenting leaden blame, seven sins, a predicament quite dire, and a painful rite.

Lift the skirt and bending in a hurry, with the Dean now in a fury breathing down your neck. Lie by lie schoolgirl caught, trumped, six of the best or paddled, stropped?

Look, the Dean's not buying! Fine then. Uh oh, nowhere to go, punishment, coming soon, nothing to do. Save yourself, obey yourself. Hurt stirs its own heat; listen to your heart beat, dimly aware of your capture and the repercussions of the night, fright. No histrionics, periodic slip from heights and much too bright, yet earning stinging stripes.

It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it -- and corner time.

Six more strokes - painful honor. Caught off grounds, after hours. Splat and burn, don't squirm, listen to the Dean's words. Looking after, uniforming, bottom burning, cheeks reddening. Every moment must be brave. Another moment...incriminates.

Stripe a bottom, stripe a palm. Knickers down. Knickers down. Watch you kneel -- hush, hushed, oh no, this means more fear, not in the clear. Repentant girl, so very near. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, can I choose lines?

It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it -- and corner time.

The other night I dreamt of lines and counting strokes, went much too high. Mustn't sit; in my mind, didn't cry. Learned behavior, burning bottom but listens better. Birthday spankings, cheats caned, jelly- kneed, BOOM! My narcotic, not erotic, damn hooked next, right? RIGHT?!

It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it. It's the cane for the schoolgirl, we all know it -- and corner time.

(It's time I had some corner time)

C.K. email

Being that my musical tastes focus on several decades ago, I'm not familiar with the song being parodied here. However, I'm going to assume that the original version is similar to this parody in being a kind of emotionally reactive, stream-of-consciousness response to a particilar situation--in the original some impending global catastrophe (or perhaps the extreme exaggeration of a personal disaster), in this version an imminent disciplinary visit to "the Dean" wherein the female narrator's bare bottom is going to become very warmly and intensely acquainted with his cane.

The contrast between the highly subjective first-person viewpoint of the different verses and the second-person, almost gloating viewpoint expressed in the refrain (whomever "we" is supposed to be, maybe her classmates as she reports to her punisher) is a nice touch here, it adds to the narrator's sense of humiliation that others apparently know about her dire disciplinary circumstances and are being coolly objective--and perhaps even a little smug--concerning her derriere's fate.

Although I'm not especially into the schoolgirl fantasy, or even M/f CP in general, I was able to empathize with the narrator's feeling of impending doom, notably the "butterflies in the stomach" phenomenon while facing an immediately upcoming severe (and highly embarrassing) chastisement that isn't consciously perceived as erotic by its recipient.

Making me identfy with an about-to-be-caned schoolgirl, IMHO that's pretty effective writing.